The Good and Bad of Yielding to Others
I have had the privilege of traveling some in my life. When I counted the other day, I was surprised that I have visited 10 countries outside U.S. soil. Experiencing life in the culture of a foreign country is fascinating and I could write of many unusual things that happened in my travels but I want to draw attention to the “motor vehicle culture” in the countries I have visited. What I mean by that is I observed how the people within each country drive and many of them blew my mind.
I spent eight weeks in Gibraltar. You know, “The Rock,” on the southern coast of Spain. The “city” is a little over 2.6 square miles with 30,000 plus people. Most roads where two-way traffic but only wide enough for one vehicle’s passage. It stunned me when I watched cars meet each other on a road and then see one driver backing up and pulling over so that the other one could continue on.
I also visited Great Britain and, again, I observed more motor vehicle culture that left me scratching my head. (Here, I will mention that I did not drive in all but one of the ten countries I’ve visited. I think you’ll agree with me that it’s a good thing!) I can summarize this roadway confusion in one word, “Roundabouts.”
In case you haven’t heard this intriguing word, a roundabout is a traffic pattern that moves in a set direction around an island in the middle. These junctions make it easier (supposedly) for vehicles to take one of multiple roads that branch off the “island” like spokes on a wheel. Traffic flows in a yielding pattern. This was not only confusing but, complicating it more for me is the people of Great Britain (and many other countries) drive on the opposite side of the road than we do in the U.S. If I had been driving, I am convinced that I would have caused a major traffic jam (or worse).
All of this reminiscing leads me to a focus on the concept of yielding and its place of importance in our lives. Just as our traffic patterns depend upon this concept, it may be necessary for us to reevaluate if we’ve incorporated it into our personal interactions.
What is yielding and what does it involve? Sometimes the best way to study a subject is to think of what it is not; what yielding does not require.
- Yielding does not require you to be a doormat to someone else.
Giving in to someone’s demands or wishes may fit the technical defintion of yielding but when done to placate another, it is not a good idea. This yielding can lead to resentment and the deterioration of the relationship. When one person knows he can bamboozle another into yielding to his demands, any respect he might have had for this person would soon diminish.
2. Yielding does not require you to turn your brain off and have no opinions about anything.
Similar to being a doormat, giving in without using your brainpower to test the situation is neither helpful to you nor those involved.
When I was younger, I had a boyfriend that never stated his preferences when planning our dates. He would always say, “Whatever you’d like to do.” At first, I liked this; I got to choose where we would go and what we would do. After a while, though, this became tiresome and I wondered if he had any thoughts and ideas of his own. As with the “doormat” example, the respect I had for him dwindled.
There is a time and a place to stand up for yourself and state your opinions but there are also times that by picking your battles, yielding is the better choice.
In my middle school classroom, sometimes conceding the battle will allow for me to win the war. I can yield to some of my students’ requests without being a doormat. It takes discernment to know which battles to fight and which ones to yield to.
There is a rule of sailing that states that the more maneuverable ship must yield to the less maneuverable one. Sometimes we rub shoulders with those who, for whatever the reason, do not “bend” as much. The older I get, the less I want to change my routine and way of thinking. If we are yielding out of graciousness, it is a gift we can give to others.
Romans 12:2 (NLT) says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
In my personal soul-searching, I have concluded that whenever I have insisted on yielding to my will versus God’s, difficulties emerge. Romans 12:2 tells us that when we make the choice to adopt God’s will, “good and pleasing and perfect” things result.
In my classroom, I have discovered that some of my students have showed their trust in me, similarly. When they cease to ask my reason behind requiring something of them, this yielding is an unspoken reflection that they trust me. They no longer need to ask, they know it’s for their good.
As we mature in our relationship with God, the more we trust Him, the easier yielding to His commands become. This not a blind trust, rather it’s one we give based on the knowledge that God has our best in mind and that His will is, “good and pleasing and perfect.”
In a time when there are many challenges on the Internet, here’s a new one:
God and His word can withstand scrutiny so I challenge you to yield your life to Him, if only for 30 days. This challenge is the only one I know that guarantees that incorporating His will results in what is “good and pleasing and perfect.”